If you’d have told me before I had kids that I would leave the house with baby sick in my hair, I would have smugly laughed thinking, I will never do that, I have some standards. Well now I’m a mum, I realise that we are the smug ones – we have been through it, have made our peace with it and can laugh at those who are innocently heading towards the craziness of motherhood.
I thought I would draw up a list of completely acceptable mum behaviours, just so we know we are all on the same page:
1. Leaving the house with vomit, snot or baby food in our hair.
2. Wiping into our trousers the yoghurt, snot, milk etc that has landed there.
3. Wiping your child’s nose with whatever is closest, as you simply cannot walk to the bathroom one more time to get tissue.
4. Wearing the same pair of leggings for weeks on end.
5. Wearing maternity trousers when we definitely not pregnant – they are just too comfortable!
6. Wearing your big pants indefinitely.
7. Drinking wine at any time of the day – it is our right.
8. Eating whatever is closest at lunch time – a pack of pom bear with a petit filous, a crisp sandwich, a dairy lea dunker…
9. Finishing off your child’s dinner – it’s for small people so there are no calories.
10. Kicking your husband in the middle of the night to stop him snoring/to make him get up and deal with the children.
11. Blaming said husband for getting you into this situation in the first place.
12. Going on a night out that you have planned for months and then leaving early because you’re exhausted and really just want to put your pyjamas on.
13. Allowing your children to wear pyjamas all weekend because it’s just too much effort to get them dressed.
14. Pretending you need something from the shop so you can have five minutes alone in the car.
15. Not shaving unless you have to put a swimsuit on (ha, swimsuit – yeah right!)
16. Chewing gum as you forgot to brush your teeth.
17. Having a baby wipe wash as there is no time for a shower.
18. Dressing your babies in funny clothes just for your amusement (some might call it revenge but whatever).
19. Eating cereal for dinner.
20. Having a secret chocolate stash – some things are not for sharing.
I could go on but I don’t want the non-mums to think we’re having all the fun…