Progress

We are being teased by progress… Chris and I have tried to be optimistic over the last 11 months, that we will start to make progress with the twins and that they will finally start to sleep through the night – it’s hard to stay optimistic for this long but we are clinging onto hope!

We’ve had some good nights, not many, but some – Ruben is sleeping all night in his cot now which may not sound like a big deal, but the mums and dads reading this will know how good this feels! He’s not sleeping through, but we’re nearly there. Finn is a different beast entirely – he just likes it in our bed and likes to chat in the middle of the night…

We are getting to the stage where things are starting to change from the baby phase to the toddler phase and it’s so hard not to try and rush them. They are still so tiny (on the 0.4th percentile for those that know what that is) so everything is taking longer, which is testing my patience no end! I want rid of the massive baby items cluttering up our home, and no I won’t miss these things when they are gone! Try tripping over two car seats, two bouncer chairs, two jumperoos and two highchairs every day and washing three million bibs!

Chris and I had a day off together last weekend and we had chance to talk and reflect over the last year. It’s definitely been a whirlwind and I think honestly that we are still both in shock! We both have a ‘just get on with it’ attitude, which is good, but is also hard because we never actually talk about how we are – we’re too busy with the daily tasks that come with being parents of three children. I had a bit of a meltdown last week, a combination of factors – being exhausted, trying to get too much done around the house, money worries, feeling emotional about my best friend getting married last weekend, and the feeling of making progress but not quite – and I think it made me reflect on what has actually happened over the last few years and think about what life is going to be like for the next few. Since Chris and I met, we have had something major happen every year – getting engaged, getting married and moving to London, getting pregnant with our first child, having our first child, buying our first home, having twins, and me starting a new job this year. All of these things were things I had wanted and planned for and now I am here, life is harder than I ever imagined! That is a lot to process and I am now at the point where I haven’t planned for what’s next – for someone who plans everything, this is a hard place to be!

When you are in survival mode, which we have been in for a year now, it’s hard to think about anything other than getting through the day. Now, I’ve been back at work for three months and so we have to think about more than just today – we have to plan for the week and month ahead and who would have thought how complicated childcare can be! Especially when Chris and I have nights away with work – that’s interesting when no-one else can fit all three children in their car… But aside from the ‘daily grind’ as we call it, surely there is more to life than that? I do tend to think about things too much, which I get from my mother, and I’m definitely in reflection mode this month – I think because we are heading towards the twins first birthday in 2 weeks time (where has that time gone?!) and also because we preparing for their next stage, both of which I am very relieved about! I’m trying to stay patient but I think I am running on empty now – any tips on how to give that a boost, let me know!

So I’ve made it through another week, which means we are another week closer to life getting easier in some ways and harder in others (crawling twins and a 3 year old who climbs on everything – figure that one out) and we are another week closer to being able to think about the next few years and what we want to achieve in those – always being hopeful that our major events are good ones and always being optimistic that tonight, we might actually get some sleep…

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