Tag Archives: twins

Turning one…

A month on, I think I’ve just about got over the shock of the twins turning one. I can’t believe we have survived a whole year of life with twins and a toddler! And I’m happy to report that things have started to get easier – they are sleeping for longer (most of the time!), they are eating better and are almost on the move.

We are starting to see their lovely little personalities! Ruben is always happy – he always has smiles for everyone and will eat whatever we give him! He’s really easy going but makes us laugh because he always wants what Finn has and usually manages to take it! Finn will shout at him in his baby noises and Ruben ignores him whilst playing with his new toy…

Finn is a bit more demanding – he always has smiles for me, Chris, Max and Ruben but others have to work harder! He is a bit more serious and thinks about things more thoroughly. He takes everything in and makes his own decisions – quietly determined and focused. He is a fussy eater. which drives us mad, but also shows his knows what he wants and knows his own mind – I can’t be annoyed, as he gets that from me :O)

It’s lovely to see them turning into little boys, with their own personalities, and with so much love for each other and their big brother Max of course! Their first year was truly the hardest thing I have ever done, but now we are through it and on to the next year and the next chapters for them, the memories are slowly starting to fade and we are starting to feel like life can return to some kind of normality – a crazy normality, but that’s okay by us.

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Twins

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself yesterday morning, after another night of hardly any sleep. Another morning where Chris asks me, ‘What happened last night?’ and I respond, ‘I’ve no idea’.
Chris, ‘Well I know Ruben kept waking up’, and I reply, ‘Well you had Finn…’
Chris, ‘Oh did I?’

Says it all really.

I get stopped a lot by people when I’m out with the twins. ‘Oh is it twins?!’ people ask me. ‘No just two babies exactly the same age/size who look very similar – yes it’s twins!’ The next thing a lot of people say is, ‘Oh I always wanted twins’. If only you knew how much this sentence kills me! First I feel guilty because they are telling me I have something they really wanted – I was blessed with two babies. Then I feel a different kind of guilt because the thing I want to say is, ‘Well you wouldn’t if you knew how hard it is’. And then it makes me realise how lucky I am to have these two beautiful boys in my life.

The other thing a lot of people say is, ‘twice the work, twice the joy’. It is definitely twice the joy, but it is ten times the work. Yes there are two babies to dress and change, two bottles to make instead of one, two times the washing, two car seats to carry around, two babies to bath etc etc… But where as with one baby, when they are asleep during the day, you have a break. You can have a cup of tea, you can have some lunch (even if it is 3 o’clock in the afternoon), you can sit rocking in a corner. With twins, when one goes to sleep there is still another one to entertain! And if you have boys like mine, when the second one goes to sleep, the first one wakes up… no time off for mummy! And the nights are a killer – most new mums are sleep deprived, that’s just a given, but most dads just get to sleep on unaware (usually snoring just to help us). Not with twins – if they wake at the same time, you need two people to feed them and if they take turns waking up every other hour, then mum and dad take turns so you can get at least two hours sleep in a row!

A lot of friends have had babies recently and it’s lovely knowing I’m not alone in my new born land of feeding all the time and no sleep. But it is hard seeing what everyone else is up to because I can’t do most of it! I can’t take two babies to swimming lessons, or to bounce and rhyme classes when they can’t sit on their own yet. If I go out and about, I have to make sure I’m back home for feeding time because I can’t hold two babies at the same time to feed them – I need the 100 bits of equipments I have at home! And although I know my friends don’t mind, if you meet anyone for coffee there is an obligation for them to hold a baby – you don’t like having to ask others when they just want an hour off work! And difficult if they have their own already.

I sound like I’m moaning a bit, but that isn’t my intention – only to share what life is like for parents of twins. We are only 6 months in so I know things will soon change and then I will be running around after two crawlers!

I guess part of this post is me feeling slightly guilty about planning my return to work – I’m going back much earlier than I did with Max and I’m feeling guilty for that. The other half of me knows it’s the right thing to do, because I can’t give them the amount of attention that I would like to and I know my lovely childminders will give them loads of care and attention and will be able to teach them lots of things that I can’t.

If any of your friends have twins, look after them! My friends and family have been great and have been there from day one. They have cooked for me, looked after my kids whilst I’ve slept, cooked for Max and entertained him, have baby sat so I can get out of the house and the thing that has meant the most, they have constantly encouraged me. For someone to say, ‘You’re doing a great job’ means a lot and keeps me going on the hard days.

I know soon Chris and I will be able to look back and laugh at the craziness that is our world at the moment – and what a great day that will be.

Rewind

This time ten years ago, I was in Fiji. Slightly different from my current situation, surrounded by laundry and tripping over baby items. I was two weeks in to my six month ‘trip of a lifetime’ with two of my best friends. I often think about those six months away, especially now – it was the best 6 months of my life and I made some amazing memories.

Life couldn’t be more different from then to now – travelling the world was about being free to go where we wanted, when we wanted; to explore the world and its cultures; only thinking about ourselves and being responsible only for ourselves (harder than it sounds). Life now is all about being responsible for three little people’s lives, making a home for my family and having no freedom at all!

I’ve said before that I’m not very good at living in the present – I have great memories of the past and I look forward to what’s to come. Looking back at my time travelling, I was discovering who I was. I was 22 and had just finished my degree and I felt like my life was really beginning! The things I really wanted to achieve in my life were to find a wonderful husband to spend my life with, to have a family and to buy our own home to raise our family in. The funny thing is, ten years on, I have everything I dreamed of having! (Well apart from an Aston Martin but it’s good to have dreams).

My point of writing this, is to remind myself that even though this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done – the first six months of raising twins, with a two year old as well – that ten years ago, during the best six months of my life, this was everything I wanted!

Sometimes we have to look back, to see how far we’ve come. And I know how lucky I am.

Today was a bad day…

As a mum of twins, I’m quickly learning there are good days and bad days.  Today was a bad day.  Chris and I had a rubbish night’s sleep – I thought we were cracking it but last night was a step back.  I know it’s going to happen, the boys are only 10 weeks old and neither are over 9lbs yet, but I like to feel we are moving forwards not backwards.  When you feel you’ve only been asleep for half an hour and then your toddler wanders in ready to play, you feel even worse – bad because you wish they weren’t up yet and bad because you have thoughts like that.  I give Max an extra big cuddle as a way of saying sorry, even though he doesn’t know how I’m feeling.

I went to my first twins group this morning – everyone was so lovely and welcoming.  It was very strange though seeing a room full of twins – every baby and toddler had another one just like it!  The old feelings of nervousness about walking into a room full of people I don’t know came back, but I was soon put at ease.  Everyone in that room knew how I was feeling and had been where I am now.  Typically, both boys started crying as soon as I got there, but someone cuddled Finn whilst I fed Ruben and then swapped – I shouldn’t have worried about being stressed with two babies crying, I was in the best company.

However, looking around and chatting to these mums it just reinforces the feelings I have about wanting this baby bit to pass quickly – everyone else’s children are sleeping through and that’s the bit I struggle with most.  I don’t want to hear that I’m the only one getting a few hours sleep a night, even though I know the world round there are millions of us!

I tried to get a couple of hours sleep when I came home, but the boys decided it wasn’t time to sleep.  If I ever meet the person who said ‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’, I’m going to punch them right on the nose.  I’ve never been able to nap in the day and even though I need a bit of top up now, it usually makes me feel worse – usually because the babies never sleep when I want to, so I just get annoyed!

I then went to pick up Max, who has decided to enter the terrible twos now.  The child minder told me he isn’t listening and is pushing every boundary, which we are finding at home.  I hate hearing that he isn’t being good, and I’m sure every parent will feel the same.  We have to remember that he’s had a lot to deal with at home, having two new babies in the house, but I still want to turn into Supernanny – I come home telling Chris we are going to make behaviour charts, put up a new routine for Max’s bedtime and start forcing the babies into a feeding routine.  Everyone who knows me, knows I love a list!  Time to get back in control (Max keeps telling me he’s in charge!) and there is nothing like a bad day to make you feel determined.

So far so good – Max was asleep by 8 o’clock and we’ve kept the babies awake all evening to try and get some sleep tonight!  Children have a mind of their own and are very determined but I’m tired and have had two glasses of wine – no-one can mess with me now…